Fuzzy Math

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fuzzy math


I have a love hate relationship with numbers.

There are some digits I welcome with open arms — like the balance of my checking and savings accounts, phone numbers, and 5:30 on a business day.

Though in general, I’ve always felt a more powerful leaning toward letters, words, language. Some mathematicians argue that theirs is the purest form of communication. I would have to disagree.

While “numbers don’t lie” and “1+1=2” in any language, I have to wonder about the President’s latest request for $120 billion.

Two nights ago he spoke of cutting the budget in half by 2009. Today he’s asking Congress for more cash because the Pentagon is spending quicker than anticipated.

Where is the money coming from? Medicaid? Welfare? Child support? Student aid?

In order to pay for something he aches for, his wars, he is willing to sacrifice domestic social programs — most of which work to ensure the well-being of young Americans.

While the headlines scream that the savings rate hasn’t been this low since the Great Depression, the president is the perfect role model, spending more than he’s budgeted for.

I mean, what’s good enough for George W. is good enough for me, right?

Where’s that IKEA catalog? Let’s see… I need three Billy Bookcases, a new couch, a comfy reading chair, hell …. why not throw in a new dinette set too. I was going to wait a few months to make my purchases in cash, but the president has inspired me to buy on credit.

Actually, forget IKEA. I may as well shop at Restoration Hardware and make those interest payments worth my while. Then again, I could just forget about money altogether and just go bananas at Stickley.

What’s that? I’m not thinking big enough?

You’re right. I think I’ll move. I’ll move into one of those gorgeous penthouse loft apartments with three-bedrooms, five-baths and a terrace in Penn Quarter. I can see the granite counters, teak floors and media room now (though I don’t think anything in Penn Quarter even compares with these apartments in New York City).

If I’m going to blow my budget, I might as well be as unrealistic as possible.

While I’m at it, I’ll go ahead and lease a Maserati Spyder too.

Thank god for credit.


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