Better than fiction

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I can see the Made-for-TV movie now…. a lovely, bright co-ed played by Hillary Duff logs onto her boyfriend’s laptop to find (GASP) emails, flirtatious messages, definitely romantic in tone, to a female (maybe they’ll reinvent Jennifer Love Hewitt to portray this phantom vixen). Distraught and desperate, she deliberates the pros and cons of various plans to get him back.

I’ll tell him I’m pregnant.
No, that’s been overdone. And we haven’t had sex in months. I can come up with something better. Hell, I AM a college student.

I’ll hire someone to take out that bitch.
Nah – that’s too Quentin Tarantino-ish. I need to be original. REALLY grab his attention.

I’ll abduct myself.
I mean, make it seem like someone kidnapped me. Then he’ll realize how desirable other men find me and worry that he’ll never see me again and … and… then he’ll find me and we’ll live happily ever after.

WHAT is wrong with this girl? Talk about crying wolf! She disappears from her apartment, with no coat or purse, and four days later is found in a marsh. Hundreds of people band together to search for Audrey Seiler, fearing the worst. After she’s found, she claims a man with a knife abducted her, setting off a police manhunt that cost the authorities $96,000.

And her lawyer is great. Randy Hopper keeps stating that Seiler is a “model student and a model citizen.” I’d like to know his definition of the word ‘model.’

I prefer the word manipulative. And the phrase big trouble.

What would be a proper punishment for this woman? And aside from the charge of lying to police, what other crime(s) is she guilty of? Or perhaps you’re convinced she’s a troubled soul who needs help? What do we do about Audrey?


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